DISCLAIMER!!!!

A friend brought to my attention some errors in my first posting, and as an English minor and former teacher, I appreciate it greatly.  I agree completely with her reasoning for grammatical and spelling accuracy.  However, I need to make to key points 1) I am a free-writer and 2) I am new to blogging.  I had the most wonderful English professor who taught me the success and release that can come from free-writing.  You don't feel restricted by the boundaries of accuracy or censorship in anyway.  You write, you close your notebook (or computer) and walk away for a little while...for me, at least a day.  That gives me as a writer the opportunity to distance myself from the writing.  If immediately I went to edit, I would also edit my thoughts which I want to show in their most honest and rawest of states.  And I want to publish my blog immediately.  Hopefully as I continue to blog I will learn to process my emotions of free-writing so that I will be able to edit immediately and post.  Until then, please, show me my mistakes and corrects that are needed.  I realy want to share my challenging journey through motherhood with you, so I hope you stick with me as I continue to develop my writing and blogging.

With Hopes of a New Outlet Found

Ten months and one week= My time as a Polarized Mom.   Ten months and one week= The female caregiver to the most beautiful little boy in the world.  Fourteen years= An educated, supported young woman living as a bipolar. 

In medical terms, I suffer from bipolar depression.  I swing very slowly.  I was manic from the age of around 17 to 23.  The week before I graduated from college my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, and my swing to depression began.  Since then, I have only visited the wild side for about 4 days.  Bipolar depression was my life from the age of 23 to 30.  A week before I turned 27, my mom lost her battle with cancer-solidifying by spiral of depression. Being bipolar determined my every action, my every reaction, my every choice...it controlled me like meth controls its addicts.  However, on March 19, 2009, at the age of 30 I realized that I had to have some control of my disease...I found out I was going to be a mom. 

Everyday since March 19, 2009, I have had to find a way to allow rationalization and determination beat the chemicals that long to control me.  I would like to say that I win most of the time...I am sure hours have passed controlled by chemicals...I try to keep it to seconds.  But it is not easy.  A constant struggle exists within me-a stuggle that only I can truly understand-a struggle I largely face alone.  I do have an amazing husband and some amazing friends that always support me.  They remind me that I have the strength to be the most amazing mom in the world.  To be as amazing as MY mom.  This blog will tell of my struggles as a mom living with bipolar disease.